Butterflies....

Since my sweet Jack came into my life, was born, and went to heaven I have been thinking a lot about butterflies.  They are so beautiful....just like him.  While you are pregnant, you constantly think about how beautiful life is and how amazing it is to watch everything that grows.  While Jack was growing in my belly, I loved keeping track of all of his changes and milestones.  I am so proud of how hard he worked to become so perfect.   I'm also so sad that he's not here, on Earth....to keep growing.

Butterflies....pretty much a perfect creature.... also work so hard to become so perfect and beautiful.  Jack's memorial service was outside on a beautiful November day. My sister was reading a poem about how babies who go to heaven leave their footprints all around us...on flower petals....on our hearts....on butterfly wings.  At the same time, a monarch butterfly was flying all around...for the whole service.  It was amazing! I just kept thinking that Jack sent this perfect creature to me to let me know that he was okay.....maybe to give me an idea about how beautiful heaven is.

This past week, my sister and my nephew came to New Orleans.  One of the places we visited was the Insectarium.  They have a butterfly room.....they fly free all around you.  It is so peaceful there.  I looked at amazement at these butterflies and thought about Jack....about the existence of God.

How can you hold a baby in your arms and not have COMPLETE FAITH in God?

Thank you, my sweet baby Jack, for making me so aware of the beauty that is all around me!!! 

Jack Iko Memorial Run

I really teach at an amazing school . On March 17, every student at my school participated in the first annual Jack Iko Memorial Run.  What a wonderful way to honor my blessed baby boy....especially because his mommy LOVES running so much.  Each student raised funds through pledges for each lap they ran around our field.  Most students ran 10 to 12 laps around....that's a little over a mile.  Even my little first graders ran that far!!! They were really running their hearts out....running for my beautiful baby.  They had a beautiful angel helping them along. 

The best part of the run was at the end of the day.  I took my first graders outside to watch some of the older kids running their laps.  We were their to cheer them on and my first graders started yelling....."do it for Baby Jack!!!"  It was beautiful.

The funds that the school raised are going to Children's Hospital in Jack's name.  The total raised was $5, 300.  I am very proud of my little baby....I know he inspired everyone!!!!!

The Jack Iko Memorial Run will continue each year.  Special thanks to a special friend, Coach Amanda.

I LOVE YOU, JACK IKO!!!! 

Four Months......

Today, on the day that marks four months since my beautiful baby boy was born into heaven, I am visiting my sister in Maine.  I wanted some time on my own to spend with Jack so I went down to the beach.  I always find myself drawn to beautiful places when I am needing to spend some one on one time with him.  The ocean is one of my favorite places.  I have always found peace there.  Today was a misty day....you could feel the ocean water all around.  The sky was grey and the ocean and sky just seemed to come together.  The waves were full of whitecaps, rushing to the shore. I had the beach to myself.  At this beautiful place, I could feel the power of God.  I could feel some peace.  I could feel Jack with me. 


Jack.....my heart aches so STRONGLY for you today.  I am trying to find comfort in knowing that you are in a place a million times more beautiful than where I was today. Mommy loves you......sweet, sweet baby!!!


  

To Jack........

"The presence of your absense is everywhere."

I see you everywhere. I see you in my arms or in your daddy's arms.  Now that the days are so beautiful, I long to put you in your stroller and take you for a walk.  When I lay my head on my pillow, I sometimes close my eyes and reach out my arms....I imagine myself cuddling you. 

When I was pregnant with you, I used to tell everyone how BLESSED I was because I got to take you EVERYWHERE.  That is such an amazing feeling!!! Thank you, baby boy, for giving that to me. 

I know that you are present....I know that you are still with me.....you are always within me!!!

You are the love of my life, sweet boy!!!!

One Year Ago......February 20th

One year ago.....I was given one of God's greatest blessings.  Tim asks me how I know.....I just do. 

I recently came across another mommy's blog and she was talking about the book written by Robert Munsch, I'll Love You, Forever.  This is a book that I have always loved.  I can remember first reading it when my nephew Alex was born, years ago.  I have come to love it even more now knowing that the author wrote it for his two babies who were born sleeping. 

So, on this one year anniversary of a magical night......I will light a candle for my precious Jack.....and whisper these words to him.....

      I'll love you forever....
      I'll like you for always....
      As long as I'm living....
      My baby you'll be.

I imagine that God is cradling Jack in his arms or maybe my sweet Nanny....as I whisper to him....

     I'll love you forever...
     I'll like you for always....
     As long as I'm living....
     My baby you'll be.


I true love you, my sweet baby boy!!!

Three Months....

Happy 3 months in Heaven, Baby Jack!!

I can't believe you have been gone from me for three months.  I love you so much and think about you every moment. I know that you are with me in my heart and in my soul.  As each day passes, it makes mommy so sad because it means that you have been away from me for one more day. Daddy tells me that you wouldn't want me to be so sad all the time.  I am really, really trying.  Tomorrow Mommy and Shelly are going to send up three balloons to you for your three month birthday.  We will be writing you a love message so be sure to grab them!!!  Do you remember last month when all the kids in mommy's class sent balloons to you?  It was such a windy and blustery day.  Mommy was carrying all 25 balloons and almost got blown away.  I closed my eyes and wished and hoped that those balloons would lift me off the ground and carry me to you in heaven.  How wonderful that would be!!!!!

Baby Jack, you are the love of mommy's life!!!! 

Dreams....

Today I heard a song on the radio that I once loved....it has new meaning for me now.....

    Every night in my dreams....
    I see you, I feel you
    That is how I know you go on....

    Far across the distance
    and spaces between us
    You have come to show you go on.......

To my Baby Jack......you are just as I dreamed of....see you in my dreams tonight
You're the love of my life!!!!