Happy Father's Day....a few days late....

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY....to a wonderful husband and father to our beloved baby in heaven.

Tim....Jack and I love you the most!!!!

I think today was harder for me than Mother's Day.  It just hurts me so much when I think about how much Tim is hurting....I thought about that a lot today.

Also,

 HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to my wonderful daddy!!! You have always been so wonderful to me.  I couldn't wait for Jack to meet you and know you and mom. That has been one of the hardest things.........

Baby Jack....mommy and daddy love you so much forever and ever.  We miss you and ache for you so much. 

Consumed.....

I am consumed with thoughts of Jack.  The other day someone told me that it was normal for me to still be thinking of him everyday...I had to laugh.  Really...what about every MOMENT?  I think about him every moment I am awake.  He is there in every part of my day and he does visit me in my dreams.  Yesterday Tim and I went to the beach with some friends.  I love the beach.  My first thought getting out of the car was how much better it would be with Jack there.  I would be lathering him up with sunscreen....not letting a bit of sun touch his beautiful baby skin.  Tim played all day in the water with a our friend's daughter....I just kept thinking....it should be our son in his arms.  He is such a good daddy!!!

I am consumed with sadness.  A little over 6 moths later and it hurts as much....maybe even more...than the first day.  I think I am okay with the sadness not going away....I have never expected it to.  Yesterday on the beach I thought back to days of last summer.  Life was so beautiful and everything was just as it should be.  I love that feeling of peace that comes over your body when you know that everything is right with the world.  The last time I felt that was when Jack was in my belly.  Of course, I haven't felt it since he went to heaven.  I don't think I will again.  I'm not trying to be negative, but I do not think it is possible for a parent who looses a child to feel that.

I am consumed with LOVE for my son!! My love for Jack grows EVERYDAY!!!

Mommy LOVES you sweet, sweet boy.  I am consumed with thoughts of one day being with you in heaven!!!!

To My Baby...on Mother's Day

I am born of the earth.
Feel my breath of wind,
My tears of rain.

Watch me grow with the trees.
Hear me laugh in the stream,
My heartbeats in the turning tide.

Each morning, I rise with the sun.
I am the light of the day.
Sing my lullaby to the moon,
And lay me to slumber with the stars.

As you gave me life,
So I give life to you.
I live all around you.
I am your earth child.

Dear Jack....

You were with me everywhere I went today on my first Mother's Day.
You are the love of my life....baby boy!!!!

Aunt Karen....

Dear Jack,

  Hello....sweet boy. I wanted to tell you a little bit about your Aunt Karen.  I know you already know her in some way.  But, I just wanted to tell you how much she loves you and thinks about you all the time.  I always know that your Aunt Karen and your wonderful Mimi are thinking about you. 
On Sunday, Aunt Karen and many of her friends did a walk to honor your beautiful life. They raised money for the March of Dimes in your name....so you are helping babies everywhere!!    When you were born, Aunt Karen flew all the way down here to be with mommy because I really needed her.  I was so happy that Aunt Karen got to hold you in her arms and love on you.  It was a hard, but beautiful moment for your aunt.  I know that it was just to short.  Like mommy, she wishes you were here and we could hold you forever!!  One day we will all be together in heaven.  Of course, you may meet Aunt Karen first since she is a bit older than mommy.  He...he...

Baby Jack....your life and your story inspires us all!!!

We all love you.... sweet, sweet baby!!!

To Aunt Karen......I Love You!!!!

Butterflies....

Since my sweet Jack came into my life, was born, and went to heaven I have been thinking a lot about butterflies.  They are so beautiful....just like him.  While you are pregnant, you constantly think about how beautiful life is and how amazing it is to watch everything that grows.  While Jack was growing in my belly, I loved keeping track of all of his changes and milestones.  I am so proud of how hard he worked to become so perfect.   I'm also so sad that he's not here, on Earth....to keep growing.

Butterflies....pretty much a perfect creature.... also work so hard to become so perfect and beautiful.  Jack's memorial service was outside on a beautiful November day. My sister was reading a poem about how babies who go to heaven leave their footprints all around us...on flower petals....on our hearts....on butterfly wings.  At the same time, a monarch butterfly was flying all around...for the whole service.  It was amazing! I just kept thinking that Jack sent this perfect creature to me to let me know that he was okay.....maybe to give me an idea about how beautiful heaven is.

This past week, my sister and my nephew came to New Orleans.  One of the places we visited was the Insectarium.  They have a butterfly room.....they fly free all around you.  It is so peaceful there.  I looked at amazement at these butterflies and thought about Jack....about the existence of God.

How can you hold a baby in your arms and not have COMPLETE FAITH in God?

Thank you, my sweet baby Jack, for making me so aware of the beauty that is all around me!!! 

Jack Iko Memorial Run

I really teach at an amazing school . On March 17, every student at my school participated in the first annual Jack Iko Memorial Run.  What a wonderful way to honor my blessed baby boy....especially because his mommy LOVES running so much.  Each student raised funds through pledges for each lap they ran around our field.  Most students ran 10 to 12 laps around....that's a little over a mile.  Even my little first graders ran that far!!! They were really running their hearts out....running for my beautiful baby.  They had a beautiful angel helping them along. 

The best part of the run was at the end of the day.  I took my first graders outside to watch some of the older kids running their laps.  We were their to cheer them on and my first graders started yelling....."do it for Baby Jack!!!"  It was beautiful.

The funds that the school raised are going to Children's Hospital in Jack's name.  The total raised was $5, 300.  I am very proud of my little baby....I know he inspired everyone!!!!!

The Jack Iko Memorial Run will continue each year.  Special thanks to a special friend, Coach Amanda.

I LOVE YOU, JACK IKO!!!! 

Four Months......

Today, on the day that marks four months since my beautiful baby boy was born into heaven, I am visiting my sister in Maine.  I wanted some time on my own to spend with Jack so I went down to the beach.  I always find myself drawn to beautiful places when I am needing to spend some one on one time with him.  The ocean is one of my favorite places.  I have always found peace there.  Today was a misty day....you could feel the ocean water all around.  The sky was grey and the ocean and sky just seemed to come together.  The waves were full of whitecaps, rushing to the shore. I had the beach to myself.  At this beautiful place, I could feel the power of God.  I could feel some peace.  I could feel Jack with me. 


Jack.....my heart aches so STRONGLY for you today.  I am trying to find comfort in knowing that you are in a place a million times more beautiful than where I was today. Mommy loves you......sweet, sweet baby!!!