Consumed.....

I am consumed with thoughts of Jack.  The other day someone told me that it was normal for me to still be thinking of him everyday...I had to laugh.  Really...what about every MOMENT?  I think about him every moment I am awake.  He is there in every part of my day and he does visit me in my dreams.  Yesterday Tim and I went to the beach with some friends.  I love the beach.  My first thought getting out of the car was how much better it would be with Jack there.  I would be lathering him up with sunscreen....not letting a bit of sun touch his beautiful baby skin.  Tim played all day in the water with a our friend's daughter....I just kept thinking....it should be our son in his arms.  He is such a good daddy!!!

I am consumed with sadness.  A little over 6 moths later and it hurts as much....maybe even more...than the first day.  I think I am okay with the sadness not going away....I have never expected it to.  Yesterday on the beach I thought back to days of last summer.  Life was so beautiful and everything was just as it should be.  I love that feeling of peace that comes over your body when you know that everything is right with the world.  The last time I felt that was when Jack was in my belly.  Of course, I haven't felt it since he went to heaven.  I don't think I will again.  I'm not trying to be negative, but I do not think it is possible for a parent who looses a child to feel that.

I am consumed with LOVE for my son!! My love for Jack grows EVERYDAY!!!

Mommy LOVES you sweet, sweet boy.  I am consumed with thoughts of one day being with you in heaven!!!!

To My Baby...on Mother's Day

I am born of the earth.
Feel my breath of wind,
My tears of rain.

Watch me grow with the trees.
Hear me laugh in the stream,
My heartbeats in the turning tide.

Each morning, I rise with the sun.
I am the light of the day.
Sing my lullaby to the moon,
And lay me to slumber with the stars.

As you gave me life,
So I give life to you.
I live all around you.
I am your earth child.

Dear Jack....

You were with me everywhere I went today on my first Mother's Day.
You are the love of my life....baby boy!!!!

Aunt Karen....

Dear Jack,

  Hello....sweet boy. I wanted to tell you a little bit about your Aunt Karen.  I know you already know her in some way.  But, I just wanted to tell you how much she loves you and thinks about you all the time.  I always know that your Aunt Karen and your wonderful Mimi are thinking about you. 
On Sunday, Aunt Karen and many of her friends did a walk to honor your beautiful life. They raised money for the March of Dimes in your name....so you are helping babies everywhere!!    When you were born, Aunt Karen flew all the way down here to be with mommy because I really needed her.  I was so happy that Aunt Karen got to hold you in her arms and love on you.  It was a hard, but beautiful moment for your aunt.  I know that it was just to short.  Like mommy, she wishes you were here and we could hold you forever!!  One day we will all be together in heaven.  Of course, you may meet Aunt Karen first since she is a bit older than mommy.  He...he...

Baby Jack....your life and your story inspires us all!!!

We all love you.... sweet, sweet baby!!!

To Aunt Karen......I Love You!!!!