Consumed.....

I am consumed with thoughts of Jack.  The other day someone told me that it was normal for me to still be thinking of him everyday...I had to laugh.  Really...what about every MOMENT?  I think about him every moment I am awake.  He is there in every part of my day and he does visit me in my dreams.  Yesterday Tim and I went to the beach with some friends.  I love the beach.  My first thought getting out of the car was how much better it would be with Jack there.  I would be lathering him up with sunscreen....not letting a bit of sun touch his beautiful baby skin.  Tim played all day in the water with a our friend's daughter....I just kept thinking....it should be our son in his arms.  He is such a good daddy!!!

I am consumed with sadness.  A little over 6 moths later and it hurts as much....maybe even more...than the first day.  I think I am okay with the sadness not going away....I have never expected it to.  Yesterday on the beach I thought back to days of last summer.  Life was so beautiful and everything was just as it should be.  I love that feeling of peace that comes over your body when you know that everything is right with the world.  The last time I felt that was when Jack was in my belly.  Of course, I haven't felt it since he went to heaven.  I don't think I will again.  I'm not trying to be negative, but I do not think it is possible for a parent who looses a child to feel that.

I am consumed with LOVE for my son!! My love for Jack grows EVERYDAY!!!

Mommy LOVES you sweet, sweet boy.  I am consumed with thoughts of one day being with you in heaven!!!!